This may ramble and might not make much sense.
This is a symptom of a much larger problem; I'm not religious and so I don't have much to fall back on when you strip away everything else about my life. To cut a long story short, essentially I've pretty much come to the realisation that pretty much everything about life is pointless and meaningless. Even if there were some omnipotent all powerful being controlling our destinies or whatever, then the big question is, "why?"
Of course the short and easy answer is relationships with friends and family and pets and people you meet both in real life and online. Pretty much those are are the reason to keep on going, because otherwise, again, what is the point of it all?
And I'm certainly not trying to have a go at religious people or religion in general. If you have faith and it gives you comfort then you are lucky. I know for a fact I will never believe and I will never have that.
I guess where I'm going is that I'm finding the acquisition of "things" like ipads and blenders and whatever doesn't make me as happy as it used to. I'm certainly getting rid of crap in my life and trying not to buy stuff just for the sake of buying it because it will give me a momentary endorphin boost. Which is ironic since I bought a new ipad the other day, but that was pretty much only so I could use my salary sacrifice to reduce tax a bit
I'm also reassessing my 29 year + career. Essentially I'm sitting there waiting for a redundancy that might never come so I can make a change, though I have no idea what I would do next. But I've come to realise that I probably don't want to work at this company any more and I'm not at all interested in moving to another job inside it, as they all just seem like bulldust when you read the job descriptions. If I were to randomly resign then the start of the new financial year would be the time to do it as that makes the most sense tax wise due to long service leave I have built up.
Anyway this is all probably a bit heavy but in seeing the rash of celebrity deaths this year, it makes you think if I were to die in a years time, would I want to spend the rest of my life staring at screens like I've been doing for the last 29? Of course not.
My partner just resigned from his job because he wasn't happy and I'm thinking that when the time is right in 2017 I will probably do the same. And then I'll have to find a new "adventure".
Anyway sorry for going on a bit but I know I'm not the only one who has come to a crossroads in life (whether it be professional or relationship or health or other) and gone on about it on a forum